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back into the shell [May. 10th, 2012|07:56 pm]
[Current Mood |blahblah]

Why delete or unfollow me anywhere else just because of the drama laid out here? As has always been true, I try my best to keep all my drama and emo-ing for this spot on the internet only. I spew all my drama here and usually feel better afterward. I got caught up in some PlayStation Home drama and I suppose I'm still paying for it. Believe it or not, I still hope to be friends with SF and even SM again.. though I doubt it'll happen. We had some fun times together in Home. :(

So overall.. after years of shying away from human interaction due to fears of awkwardness and being emotionally hurt.. I was able to get up enough courage to make friends again, though in a virtual setting.. only to be hurt all over again.. Ah well. Back into my shell, I guess. :|


Meanwhile, things in real life are getting (forcibly) better I suppose. I (must) visit a therapist, a doctor.. and get visited by someone to help me learn to clean this box in which I live.. for the maybe three not-me people who actually get to see it. A bit of a waste of time if you ask me. At least cleaning so often anyway. I used to just wait until the landlord's monthly inspection comes around to get everything back in shape. :p

Amazon so annoys me sometimes. They're pretty much the only site I order crap from now since my.. boxification. And sometimes they hold off on shipping things just so they ship everything in fewer shipments. I ordered all of this month's discs together in one order. It at least made sense to me when Amazon wouldn't ship me my Chuck: Season 4 Blu until release date for my two other items this past Tuesday, Underworld: Awakening & Chuck: Season 5. But they still haven't shipped. Grr. They're now probably waiting for NEXT Tuesday to ship those three with another disc, Chronicle. Ugh.. I miss Best Buy. And I guess Best Buy misses me..? They've been e-mailing me a bit more and I also recently got a replacement Reward Zone Premier Silver card in the mail. They kept me in Premier Silver even though I haven't been able to buy anything from them in over a year. :p

I really need to catch up on my disc watching. I even stopped watching my Transformers Prime: Season 1 Blu in the middle and haven't returned to it in weeks.. and so all of Season 2 so far is still clogging up my DVR. That'll probably be the first thing I'll try and complete TV disc-wise. But I also enjoy watching TV shows live in primetime. At least a lot of them are breaking soon and will free up a lot of time.. to watch all the downloaded TV series episodes filling up my 500GB PS3 HDD.. and finish downloading the seasons of those series as well. :p And I also need to finish watching The Adventures of Tin Tin on Netflix streaming. Really enjoyed the series back in the 90s on Nickelodeon (though it originally aired in the US on HBO), and I am again. :) Also have the recent CG movie on Blu to watch..

Thanks for Victorious: Season 2, Rob! Liked a lot of these episodes, so it's cool to own them on disc. Looking forward to watching them again.. whenever that'll be. :p See yas.
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the pariah gets pariah'd [May. 7th, 2012|06:16 pm]
[Tags|]
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

The Paranoid Pariah. A fancy phrase I came up with to describe myself some years ago. Now it seems more like a prophetic one.

I use this journal to vent my emotions, so that they no longer fester inside my head as much. I haven't used this journal in a while. That was probably a big mistake. The emotions about everything just piled up and condensed.. In yesterday's entry, I vented all my anger and frustration at the dramatic situation that had just come to fruition. It seems that anger is now gone, leaving only the sadness and depression. There's a sick feeling deep in my stomach that I can't be rid of no matter what I do. I have suffered the loss of some good friends. Yes, plural. I really never meant to attack anyone. As I said, I just needed to let those emotions out. They were bumping about in my head, making me feel even more horrible than I do now. Letting them flow made me feel somewhat better.

I've been trying to take a vacation from PlayStation Home to see if that'll help at all. It's kinda difficult though when I'm starting to miss all my other friends from there, especially the ones who hang out with SF and SM and may not be on my PSN friends list.. I'm also missing all the cool virtual stuff I've bought or were rewarded over the years.. :/

*sigh* See ya, especially to my PSN friends.. I hope..
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drama comes home, pro goes poof [May. 6th, 2012|12:54 pm]
[Tags|]
[Current Mood |crappycrappy]

Hello. It's been a while.. and a lot has happened, I guess. I got into PlayStation Home more deeply than ever, spending a lot of of time there and making a few new friends. It was pretty cool actually being able to interact with so many humans without my shyness getting in the way most of the time. And everything seemed to be going fine.. until one of my friends got really close to a totally new friend and their sudden closeness made me jealous. For anonymity, let's call them SF and SM.

SF got me on a odd sleeping schedule due to her odd sleeping schedule. I stayed up until morning having fun with her group of friends, who became my group of friends as well. But then SF met SM and she started spending a lot more time with him as well. It almost seemed as if SM would follow her anywhere, like a puppy starving for attention. But SF welcomed the attention and all of his naughty flirtations even though she was engaged to be married in real life. I admit that I was a bit interested in her as more than a friend, but the moment I heard of her engagement, that ended and only my friendship remained. However, SM eventually found out about SF's engagement during a "misunderstanding" involving some virtual kissage.. and kept right on flirting afterward anyway.

At least, SM explained it as a "misunderstanding". I think it was actually him trying to get to the next level with her.. whatever that level is in a PG-13-rated virtual world.. and then salvaging the friendship after his failure. After that "misunderstanding", they somehow became closer than ever. SM seemed to shoehorn himself into every virtual aspect of SF's life, making sure he was there with her almost at all times she was online. My problem was I somewhat showed how awkward and jealous I was of this fast-formed friendship that had occurred right in front of me.. and somewhat shoved me aside in its creation. Things got awkward between the three of us whenever we hung out.

SF asked me to put this awkwardness around the way-too-flirtatious SM behind me, and I did. I really tried. Multiple times. But SM seemed to make sure that that wouldn't happen. I guess after I told him about the situation, he wanted me out and SF all to himself even more than he already did. One night, he performed an "experiment" to make me seem like a creepy stalker to SF. When SM was the one spending every moment on Home with SF, following her to space after space. Not as much as me. I tried to explain.. but it was too late. I cried for hours overall over the drama.. and the eventual loss of yet another friendly human in my life.

SF and SM deleted me from their PSN friends lists simultaneously, after again spending some time together all alone in one of his apartments, most likely convincing her to do so.. and that was the end. I was out, he was in. I guess he won. And I lost, as I always seem to do. It does seem like I eventually lose everything in my life, and I only gain things in order to lose them as well. Over 20 years of torture like that. At this point, I really wish it would all just end already. -_-

In other developments, there's a guy now coming by twice a week to help me get used to doing things I've never had to do before, like the various ways I must clean the apartment. He hasn't been too annoying.. yet.. I've been buying a lot less discs than I used to lately. And that has helped my unwatched queue of discs and TV episodes on my PS3 HDD.. since I rarely got around to watching them lately due to wanting to spend time with my newfound friends in PlayStation Home instead. But after all the bullshit I've recently been put through, that may finally change soon. Oand I'm on antidepressants apparently. They sure seem to be working like a charm, don't they?

Well, hope to see ya. As in.. hoping this current wave of depression doesn't finally makes me do something I've been too much of a wuss to do all these years. Ending the pain that eventually comes at me from all directions, once and for all..
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New-to-me computer... [Mar. 29th, 2012|05:32 pm]
[Current Mood |blahblah]

Yay. I now have another computer. So as is usual with everything I touch, a whole bunch of brand new problems came up. I lost everything. So it'll no doubt take forever.. if at all.. to get back to normal internet life using this computer. And within 24 hours of using it, it of course starts defecting. It probably has to do with all the various programs that I absolutely must have installed.. and may not play that well together.

The landlord must be avoiding coming in here as much as possible due to either me.. or her cat allergy. With no warning again, the inspection was today. Or there was one, but I just haven't left my apartment in so long I haven't seen it. She got the smoke alarm batteries fixed a while ago, fortunately. And I finally bought a plunger at the start of the month, so there's that solved too. Now she keeps mentioning getting those screens for my window.. then never doing it. Many times. She even said she'd be back with them in 30 minutes today and never returned. lol. But I'm fine with it. Less visits the better. I'm a bit scared of her.. ruining my life even more than it already is. :/

I'm getting very addicted to PlayStation Home now, especially in the recent months due to all the friends I've made there. Perhaps that is why I just had the PS3 online nonstop for maybe 4 or 5 days there. Yes, that's not very good for the PS3. Currently giving it a break, even though I wanna return to it right now. And I only used Home whenever I went to use the PS3 for that whole time. I haven't made much time for Mass Effect 3 at all.. or all that much TV or movies either. :( But the latter could just be because I wasn't able to download most of them while I had no working PC..

Well, see ya.. I guess..
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(no subject) [Mar. 5th, 2012|05:26 pm]
I'm sure using this PS3 web browser more often since it is now the only way I can properly view most websites since my PC finally failed me is going to send it to the grave sooner as well. It freezes sometimes when loading YouTube... And when it does finally fail and I'm almost completely disconnected from the world altogether.. I might as well be in my grave as well. It's not like I'm ever going to overcome the hundreds of things that plague my life AND regain my lost sanity after all. Whenever I do solve something, many more problems just appear in its place. So it's no use.

The landlord gave me this paper to read about an upcoming bed bug inpection but never told when it was coming. Then it abruptly happened and I wasn't ready because I only leave my box maybe once a week to deal with junk mail, trash.. and seeing the announcement board with the date clearly announced. Then the dog came in that morning and sniffed over my bed that had never even been slept in by me since I was thrown into said box. And of course the landlord cheered on the dog and laughed as it knocked over my possessions. I had to stay locked in the bathroom with the cat while it all went down, but I'm not an idiot.. Now she's recertifying me, so she'll probably raise my rent based solely on what a bother I am to her. Like every other person that knows me on this planet. Oh well. Just another of the many, many nudges into my grave I guess.

They finally replaced the smoke detector batteries.. but my toilet has still been clogged again for weeks.

I just wish all this torture would finally end.. one way or another..
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PS3 browser, meet LJ website.. [Feb. 24th, 2012|07:03 pm]
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

Ugh. This is annoying. I've been feeling very depressed lately, but especially today. And I don't really even know why. It could be the PlayStation Home drama that now may finally show signs of subsiding. Or it could be the PC withdrawal finally setting in. I mean, I can no longer download a lot of shows I enjoy and have to put the DVR to work again so that I don't miss even more. And the DVR hasn't been working right since the cat sat on it and knocked it on the floor maybe a year ago now.. a little bit after the cable company had to replace it for another cat-related reason. :|

Some websites still don't work right on here, even after the recent upgrade. I was lucky enough to get the Pizza Hut website working though in order to get some supper tonight. My food supply hasn't been running out as quickly as in recent months though, perhaps due to the previously mentioned depression that made sometimes not care about eating even though I was hungry. *shrug*

As I said previously, toilet is clogged again. Wish I could fix it. But at least I have other means to get around that problem. I really miss my PC internet life. I may never be able to see the final episode of Gokaiger, or check out those new series Go-Busters and Akibaranger. Not to mention all the other TV I've had to drop just because I can no longer download them. *sigh* But at least my PS3 still works, right? ..Until I overuse it too and it dies as well..

Well, see ya.. if I can keep my remaining sanity last that long.. :(
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playstation home nipplegate #uselessemoentry [Feb. 18th, 2012|12:31 am]
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

On Thursday, PlayStation Home released another of its more risque virtual outfits to the store: the Leather Bikini outfit. Within hours of its release however, some started noticing that the outfit could disappear when viewed through a "ghost" (a yet-to-load avatar). It was then removed from the store lightning quick. Some would probably just laugh at Sony's shoddy programming and move on. But not me, I suppose. I looked over the outfit in the store before it was removed and decided not to buy it mainly because I thought it covered too much (haha). And ever since the truth was revealed to me, I've been beating myself up over yet another choice in life where I chose incorrectly.

Maybe it's about not being included among the "haves".. or more likely it's that I've been wanting this kind of content in PlayStation Home for years and have probably missed my only shot to ever have it. Yeah, it'll likely get fixed and be re-released in the next week or so. But until then.. all the lucky people still have these "defective" items in their wardrobe to play around (and take pictures) with. So jealous. And so angry when there should be WAY more pictures out th-- er, anyway..

I'm playing this situation jokingly here like I have with some of my PSN friends.. because I'm sure everyone else is taking it lightly. But I keep beating myself up over this new choice in a long line of wrong choices.. and getting more and more depressed about my life in general. I guess I first got into buying and wearing female clothes on PlayStation Home due to all the skimpy and sexy outfits released.. that I wanted to get a closer look at without bothering the real females wearing them. So now they accidentally released a nude avatar.. and I can't get a closer look at it. :( Yeah, guess I'm another Home perv. But at least I'm going about it smarter than some of the other pervs I've encountered (and when wearing sexy female clothes, you encounter plenty). Yikes.

I really should've taken my own advice and took some time off of PlayStation Home.. instead of creepily stalking around the public spaces with my in-Home camera looking for avatars wearing the outfit. But I've made friends there too. And I don't want to give them up. I have no friends in real life after all.. and probably never will..


Meanwhile...

The landlord eventually came with a plunger for me to borrow to unclog the toilet. Yay.. And now it's clogged again. Probably shouldn't have flushed those paper towels a few months ago.. while I was completely out of the proper tissue. :| ..Anyway.. The cat has seemed to have just gotten used to peeing in small amounts and no longer appears to be doing it on the floor. But there's still those spots he left where I couldn't possibly reach. I also put too much litter in in the last refill, so he's been throwing and tracking that stuff all over. Have to get out the broom almost every time he uses the litter box.

Oand the computer will not quit screwing with me.. just like everything else, I guess. I'm so tired of everything going wrong and there being no way to solve anything. I just have to live with it.. er, everything.. disappointing me until the end. It's just more and more often lately I wish that end would come sooner and get all this BS over with. :|

See ya.
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the rigged game of life [Feb. 8th, 2012|12:39 am]
I ask into the humanless void that is my existence almost everyday.. in one way or another.. "why aren't I dead yet?" I gave up on fighting for a tiny bit of life's happiness over a decade ago. Maybe I thought that if I let the world go.. the would would let me go as well. Instead, any human I've gotten close to.. ends up going instead. The world has hurt me over and over and over again. I didn't want to be hurt like that again. And so my emotions are nearly completely gone.

Or at least I thought they were. My cat got sick. Has probably been for a while actually. And I blame myself. I should have noticed. I should have kept his diet more like it used to be. He's the only real emotional connection I have now. I had a pain in my chest so I had some food.. but it didn't go away. I'm feeling worry and guilt. I think my connection to my aunt has finally been getting stronger. And so I'm beginning to worry about the world ripping her away too.

Ever since my cat's reddish pee spell, he's been leaving tiny drops or puddles all over the place. All day. All night. No longer reddish though. For now. He tries in the litterbox.. then not in the litterbox.. then licks. Again and again. I only have a finite amount of paper towels. He also goes and hides high above the kitchen cabinets where I can't possibly clean. Or under the bed. And with my nose only working at 20%, it's difficult to detect all the spots... I'm getting tired of chasing him from one non-litterbox spot to another.

I'm about ready to surrender. Again. I chose not to play the rigged game of life.. and so it's played for me nonetheless. Everything that can go wrong.. eventually does. Solve one thing.. and more things come to take their place. Until you're finally allowed to have peace.. after decades of torture..

Bye.
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supah bull exelvee? nothnx [Feb. 5th, 2012|06:36 pm]
The landlord initially assumed that my aunt had come by recently and cleaned my apartment for me, since such a good job was done.. I guess. And all it took was some sweeping, mopping.. and plenty of Febreze. :p But now back to your regularly scheduled emo...

I think my cat has had worms for a little while now. Every once in while, I'd see them at his butt.. or one would be left behind somewhere. But he's been paying a lot more attention to his rear recently. And sometimes meowing after using the box. I worry. :( ..And on the other end, I must've tracked a small amount of cat pee onto my sock and into my shoe. Because it seems the cat peed on or in one of them. He's male so he must always mark his territory I guess. That's probably why he pees five seconds after I clean out his box too. lol. :p ..I didn't notice the smell of said pee until after my outing on Saturday since I so rarely wear my shoes.. and my nose is always partially nonfunctional. I thought I had stopped him in time that time.. but I guess I was wrong...... *febreze*

I would say the beeping smoke alarms are not nearly as annoying as the clogged toilet. The landlord took note of the beeping during the last two inspections, but still no action. And during the second one, she also said she would give me a plunger for the toilet. That also has yet to happen. I was going to get a thing or two myself to try and solve the toilet problem during the monthly grocery store outing.. but I totally forgot. Due to this whole predicament, I find it even more annoying how there's a public-looking restroom near the front door of the apartment building.. yet the door is locked. :/ And in closing... you do not want to know how I've been disposing of my waste. -_-

See ya.

Update - 11:44PM: Well, it wasn't his butt after all. As I was video gaming, I looked away long enough to see some reddish cat pee where the cat had just been sitting minutes earlier. Then I looked around and found other spots too. As I began cleaning them up, the cat ran from me in fear of consequences over something he can't control I suppose.. and sat in other spots to lick his area.. and leaving more reddish pee. Eventually, he ran and took refuge under my bed. Now I'm really worried. :(
Linkget abducted

ssdd birthday to me [Jan. 31st, 2012|01:45 am]
Even with all these download sites getting being shut down or going offline.. I've now begun downloading movies in addition to the usual TV shows. Paranormal Activity 3 was great, but I'd only buy those movies for cheap.. like they are (only have the first on Blu right now). When is Oren Peli's Area 51 "found footage" movie coming out already?! Damnit Paramount! ..Also canceled my pre-order and soon downloaded In Time. Olivia Wilde as Justin Timberlake's mom.. and Amanda Seyfried the Bonnie to his Clyde. Pretty good movie. But not $20+ release date purchase good. :p I have a couple other discs to get next week and I needed to save some monies..

Now the toilet is clogged, adding onto the list of endless problems I have to deal with. I'm too embarrassed to get help.. and I don't even have anything to plunge or clean said toilet.. so.. not pretty.. Both smoke alarms continue to beep, one lesser so far.. I have nearly run out of food again, so I have begun ordering pizzas. I only have to make it a week to my next outing.. and the inspection day.. I guess. They may both fall on Friday this time. Ugh.

I guess my aunt read my comment here about not wanting to be a bother to her and thought it meant to leave me alone. These have been some very isolated weeks. Though I bet only going outside my apartment maybe once a week to check the mail and take out the trash may have had something more to do with it. :p Meh, no one wants to see me anyway...

See ya..?
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america, land of the enslaved [Jan. 20th, 2012|07:08 am]
I spent those few days cleaning and getting all nervous before the inspection on Monday.. and then the landlord never even showed up. The early announcement posting of the next inspection date probably should have tipped me off that she wasn't coming..? And of course the inspection date (February 3rd) is the same day I'm due to get money for the month and would want to go out and spend it.. She took note of the smoke alarm but still hasn't replaced the battery. And now the other smoke alarm has begun to beep as well. Argh. :|

I finally ordered some groceries via peapod.com and they were delivered the next day. Expensive shit. They must charge full retail price for everything, except for their small amount of sales. Nearly $80 and I really barely got anything at all. A 24-pack of Ice Mountain water was nearly twice the price that I usually pay for it. Ugh. They deliver it themselves.. for a $10 delivery fee and a $2 "fuel surcharge".. on top of a $60 minimum order. I was surprised when they didn't call me for directions like the pizza places often do. But at least I can get a larger quantity to eat for my money out of them. :\ Think I'll try to make it until next week before ordering pizza again..

World War Web. A lot of awareness was raised for SOPA & PIPA during the website blackouts on Wednesday.. and I guess the government just had to show us who's really in charge no matter what we think our freedoms are.. by taking out megaupload.com. It's based in Hong Kong.. but that didn't stop those feds. I heard even the graphic designer was arrested. WTF.. It was my favorite direct download site too. So after that, the Anonymous hackers group that took out PSN last year struck back and took out some government websites in return. Heh. And so (I hope) it begins. We either take down the bastards in control of our government for so long.. or we end up even more enslaved than we already are.. Plus it is 2012, after all.. *shrug*

See ya.


[ Video: George Carlin - It's Over, The American Dream Is Dead ]

[ PIPA & SOPA The Bills That Wants To Censor Your Internet ]
[ Free Speech Under Siege In America ]
[ Video: Wall St Lobbyist Plan To Squash The 99% Movement ]
[ Video: MLK Wanted To Occupy DC And End The Fed ]
[ Government Math Hides True Unemployment ]
[ Fluoride Linked To Number One Cause Of Death ]
[ Collecting Rainwater Now Illegal In Many States ]
[ Pineapple Enzyme Kills Cancer Without Killing You ]
[ Baby Dies After 9 Vaccines In One Day (murder) ]
[ Warning - Energy Drinks Poison Your Brain ]
[ Pentagon Scientists 'Time Hole' Makes Events Disappear ]

[ How Zionism Infiltrated, Took Over America ]
[ A Real Case Against The Jews, Written In 1928 By A Jew ]
[ Video: 'Anti-Semite & Anti-Semitism Are Tricks, We Always Use Them' ]
[ Video: Dr Alan Sabrosky - Israeli Involvement In 9/11 ]
[ Video: The Mossad Killed JFK To Hide Israel's Thermonuclear Weapons ]
[ Video: JFK Bought Advanced Space Technology From Tito, Yugoslavia ]

[ Fukushima Fallout In The American Heartland ]
[ Now 20,000 Fukushima Caused Deaths In The US - Study ]
[ Radioactive Japan Debris Size Of CA Hits West Coast ]
[ MDs - Canadian Deaths To Rise From Fukushima Radiation ]
[ Canadian Govt Lied About Radioactive Drinking Water In March ]
[ Japan Anti-Nuclear Activist Dead From Shotgun Blast ]
[ Radiation In 65% Of Japan-Caught Fish - Pacific Doomed ]
[ Gunderson - Cancer Risk To Fukushima Kids Underestimated ]
[ Abandon Ship? Small 'Japan' To Be Built In Southern India ]

[ Video: Overview Of Worldwide Apocalyptic Sounds ]
[ Video: Compilation Of Strange Aerial Sounds In Late 2011 ]
[ Video: Strange, Worldwide Mysterious Sound Summary ]
[ Video: Eerie Sounds Over Nottingham, England ]
[ Video: UFOs (?) And Sounds Over L.A. ]
[ Video: Creepy, Eerie Sounds Over Manitoba, Animals React ]
[ Opinions On The Strange Sounds ]
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tokusatsu / pr 20th anniv 2013 / worthless ramblings [Jan. 11th, 2012|08:06 pm]
I fear I have a new obsession: tokusatsu. I've mainly stuck to just Power Rangers all my life, having now watched all 724 episodes (most of them multiple times). But then I saw what was being done for Gokaiger and began watching it as well. Before that, I had only watched one episode of sentai previously due to the Disney's new Power Rangers version of it was underwhelming to me.. But my somewhat obsession didn't really start until after I watched Super Sentai 199 Heroes. Wow, that movie was awesome. Soon after that, I got all up to date on watching Gokaiger and Kamen Rider Fourze.. and now I'm watching Garo as well. The large drought of new Power Rangers episodes might have helped this along as well. Only 24 in one year? Gah.

Now how about some Power Rangers rumors. After postponing casting for the 20th anniversary 2013 season to make it more creative, there's now talk straight from a HobbyLink magazine article in Japan stating that Saban had asked Toei to remove all pre-Zyuranger (Mighty Morphin) Rangers from the epic Legend War footage seen in Gokaiger episode 1 & 199 Heroes. But since that wasn't possible, Saban has instead asked Toei to refilm the Legend War with only Rangers seen on Power Rangers before. Wow. And then there's the more recent and less believable rumor that Toei is shipping the Gokai Galleon set to New Zealand for Power Rangers filming. Is Saban really going to pass on using the Goseiger footage and move right on to Gokaiger? Only time will tell. I'd personally like to see a foreshadowing plotline or lead-up to the Gokaiger adaptation celebrating Power Rangers' 20th anniversary.. using Goseiger. Sort of like how the Alien Rangers saga led up to Zeo, only better. :p



I cleaned.. and then it wasn't good enough. Perhaps because I couldn't smell certain smells because my nose has been defective and stopped up for years. Perhaps because I do not remember mopping at all in my life.. and am suddenly expected to do so efficiently all by myself. Perhaps because a certain germaphobic clean freak landlord has had it out for me ever since she first saw my unorthodox way of living.. and the cat she's allergic to. Or perhaps all three.

During the brief inspection, she complained that the cat must've peed on the floor due the smell she was smelling. Untrue. I found later it was actually coming from my pants. In these cold winter months, the cat has decided to sit in my lap a lot more often after all. And I couldn't smell it until I actually went searching for it afterward. And later in the complaint form thing I eventually received, she said there was "feces" on the floor (I notice she misspells even though it appears printed via computer sometimes.. no spell check?). No, that couldn't possibly be dirt tracked around the place by my dirty socks that were recently moistened by all the mopping and made worse. And the morning after, she even cleaned the hallway carpet outside my door. :p I wear only socks the whole time I'm in my box (which is A LOT) and only put shoes on to go outside.

If this place isn't cleaner by next Monday's second inspection, I'm outta here. At first, I thought I should leave all the cleaning to the last minute like usual due to the possibility of dirtying everything up again. But due to my less-than-effective mopping, I decided otherwise and eventually got to mopping. The classic mop isn't really all that effective. Wish I could've gotten another before this point. Or it could just be me. :| So I mop and and now the dirtiness is now just evenly placed. :/

Yes, I did clean up the bedroom for the most part before the first inspection.. due to the smoke detector that just won't shut up in there. The cat had thrown up in there a few times.. and once it hits a cold tile floor and is not noticed for hours.. a lot of mopping had to be done to get that crap up. She noticed the beeping and noted it, but didn't go in since that's where the cat was being held.

I ordered pizza for supper again tonight. I'm slightly low on groceries again.. but I mainly missed pizza.. already. And I think I'll finally order groceries from peapod.com this month.. likely only because of the raise in monthly funds and lack of new disc releases that I must buy. :p See ya.
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2012: happy final new year.. I hope. [Jan. 6th, 2012|04:44 am]
So I was able to go to the grocery store on the 1st. After the recent mix-up with my aunt, she offered to come down before then.. but I didn't want to be any more of a bother to her than I have to be, so I waited.. My Social Security amount was raised this month.. and my food stamps lowered. :/ But luckily, the latter was smaller than the former. So due to that.. and a large lack of definite disc purchases this month, I bought more groceries than usual. I was going to get a bigger bag of the cat food than I usually get but there wasn't one, so I eventually chose to get an extra bag instead. The cat kept meowing and trying to lead me to the empty bowl all week. So cute.. yet sad too. I filled it very soon upon returning home.. and he didn't eat all that much of it. :p

On February 1st, I turn 29. And I think I'm already getting to the point where I'm not looking forward to birthdays anymore. I'd just prefer to stay a kid forever, obviously. I just see no reason to become an adult. I don't really have any skills that would be helpful when becoming one of the worker cogs for the rich elitists who rule the world. And y'know, I'd prefer not to become a said cog either. I used to be able to write stories. And after realizing that maybe they weren't good enough to get published, I considered the thought they would make better TV. But I quickly dropped that idea too. *shrug*

I was starting to think the landlord didn't want to spend any more time in my apartment then she had to. The smoke alarm is now beeping non-stop and nothing.. except one possible visit with a brief and quiet knocking that I ignored.. since it was morning and I'm usually asleep then anyway. It may have something to do with her being allergic to cats. But now another inspection is expected next week. Great. I just love getting all nervous and then being judged on something I've never really done before. :|

Just as I'm lucky enough to solve one or two problems.. many more come up in their place. It keeps happening, no matter how much I try and avoid it. And I've been trying for years. Anymore, it seems the only solution to all the bullshit the world throws at me would be the final one.. as if that would be what the world would prefer. But I don't think I have the guts to do that. And so the problems will eventually engulf me. My downward spiral that is my life will continue to its inevitable solution.. as I continue to suffer more and more.. until the end.

My computer continues to defect. My PS3 has also been defecting somewhat more than usual lately. And then my cable box had to join the party and act defective as well. And of course there's the TV defecting problem mentioned previously. The smoke alarm now beeps endlessly in the dirtiest room of this place, like something out of The Tell-Tale Heart. I'm scared to step up onto an old wobbly ladder or a wobbly dining chair (aka my computer chair) to remove the battery because below them is a cold hard tile floor. Cold floors are rather enjoyable during the winter by the way. Could my legs be freezing so much because of bad blood circulation or constant contact with the floor? I do not know. Landlord said to keep the temperature set the same year-round, so that can't possibly be it. And what's the point of having a smoke alarm maybe six feet away from another smoke alarm?! And if this concrete box is too dirty during the inspection, I could end up getting dumped on the street. Just.. quite a few of the shafts that have been driven into me lately. And I'm sure many, many more are on the way.

See ya.
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11100100100111011001 [Dec. 27th, 2011|03:43 pm]
I woke up this morning.. er, end of morning? ..and didn't even know it was snowing until I went into my bedroom. I keep the blinds closed because the sun always tries to ruin my TV viewing experience. But the blinds are pulled up a little in the bedroom to provide a perch for the cat. :p

My aunt didn't come to take me to the grocery store after all yesterday.. after some things she read here in the previous entry. Exhibit A. The main reason I can't possibly form a relationship with anyone. You say one tiny thing wrong and not even realize it, then a huge deal is made out of it. I'm sorry for hurting her feelings, but I can't be sorry for what I said because I don't know exactly what it was. Sometimes, I write here in a way to make the reader feel guilty, to bring them down to my level of depression a little. Maybe so that I won't be so alone. If that was it, I never mean to direct that solely at any one person.

Most of my emotions are now gone, so I mainly only deal in facts anymore. Like a computer or robot, I guess. The only way I cry most of the time is by watching a TV show or movie. Otherwise, I just can't get it to happen, even upon hearing that my father had passed away. So I watch TV shows and movies, play video games.. for as long as I'm awake. How can I possibly form a relationship when I'm so broken..?

The night before I was expected to go to the grocery store, I put the last of the cat's food in his bowl. It's already gone. I guess I'll have to return to feeding him lunch meat, cheese (er, "cheese product") and pizza toppings until the next month begins. Can't really help much that he seems to be gaining weight.. except perhaps by giving him less, though with his whining and meowing that's difficult to do sometimes.

I probably do have enough money to last the month on pizza alone. But I'm out of it again. I think I'll order it from a different place tonight. I never thought I'd get utterly bored by a Pizza Hut Meat Lovers, but it appears I have. That and I'm craving chocolate. So Domino's it is, even though it may cause another annoying "where are you?" call. See ya.
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a random & depressing paragraph compilation [Dec. 23rd, 2011|07:34 pm]
Heh, had a dream rerun today. That was odd. I was a kid back at high school.. during some odd dinner period before school was dismissed. As I had my meal with no problem, this nerdy kid next to me kept insisting that I stole a part of his meal. I wasn't really paying attention to his meal, so I guess someone else could have been doing it. I definitely wasn't. After three times and the kid getting more angry each time, he tried to steal a part of my meal unsuccessfully. But then at the end of the dream this time, there was a union of superheroes. And they and I soon realized it was the cast of Castle having a shared dream. lol. That was weird.. Yes, I was recently thinking about my school days (after watching Take Me Home Tonight via Netflix and getting emotional about not doing anything with my life like the movie's main character). And I fell asleep watching Castle at 7AM. Including the superhero-themed episode from the start of the season (I'm that far behind). lol. :p

I also watched Let Me In with Kick Ass movie stealer Chloe Moretz on Netflix streaming. OMG, that movie was awesome. Wantz Blu-ray now. lol. :p Yup, Chloe once again stealing the movie. She's awesome. And the perv in me thinks she's hot (again) even though she plays a 12-year-old in the movie. >_> ..But anyway, yeah.. Great movie. Wantz. Now.

As usual, right after I state on this blog that things are probably going to get better.. the world must prove me wrong. Always. The cable company is starting to try and get in contact with me. The unimportant half of a "cablegram" arrived in the mail recently. And as I said, I don't pick up the phone for numbers I don't know. And they've now tried calling the cable's phone number that has no phone hooked up to it (it was part of a bundle, and caller ID still pops up on the TV screen). I've had a double bill since moving.. because I can't afford paying over $300 in one month, ffs. Bastards. :| And what a perfect time of year to start hounding me about it. Can't afford those hefty Christmas bonuses..?

I wrote the last paragraph before the early morning of December 22nd.. when those said bastards finally shut off my cable. I was going to contact them via email due to my shyness (and frugalness) concerning talking on the phone.. but never got around to it. I was about to get my aunt to call them again instead. But this needed fixed ASAP.. so I called them myself and got it straightened out. I only had to pay $17.13 by the end of the month, so I immediately made that payment online after my cable was turned back on (within minutes). Phew. Perhaps lucky I passed on that Underworld Trilogy Blu-ray set earlier this week, saving $35..? On the other hand, there quashes my first attempt to save money for a PlayStation Vita. Damnit. :p

My aunt can't come and take me to the grocery store until Monday.. but at least she's able to come at all. I had to order pizza for perhaps the fourth time this month. It's just about the only food I have left now, so I had to get more so I won't starve on this joyous holiday.. that'll from now on be like every other: uneventful. I ordered a 20oz Mtn Dew for $1.50 and they brought a $3 two-liter instead. Joy. Was getting so tired of water. So.. Happy Holidays everybody (including Pizza Hut)! And see ya...
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Мои твиты [Dec. 19th, 2011|07:18 pm]
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Мои твиты [Dec. 16th, 2011|12:00 am]
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  • Чт, 00:15: RT @wilw: Dear Congress and President Obama: What part of your oath to uphold and defend the Constitution do you not understand? #SOPA #NDAA
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pizzapizzapizzapizzaaabarf / links [Dec. 15th, 2011|12:26 am]
It does seem I have plenty of money in the bank for the month.. so far, anyway. And next month, my social security will go up a bit more. Thanxyoucostofliving! It really is kind of funny when you think about how anti-this-government I am.. and then they've been giving me a monthly check for years. >_> Back to ordering pizzas continuously I guess. May consider making a Peapod.com grocery order. But poor selection + minimum $60 order + $10 delivery.. I don't know. :/

And on top of that, they may not even be able to find me. This is a fairly new apartment building. I've literally seen it built from nothing since I lived right next to the land for over a decade. I still remember playing around among the trees and weeds that used to cover it.. back when I was younger and actually had friends in real life. The Pizza Hut delivery guy has to call me for directions at least once a month. Once I had to stand outside in the cold for a bit and wait.. since I don't street names all that well. And I no longer have coats. My prepaid plan takes $2 off for every day I call or answer, but texts are only 2 cents. I only add $15 to it every month to keep it on, so I don't really pick it up if someone calls that I don't know. Lucky that I'm shy I guess. So no tip this time, pizza guy.. nah, you know I never tip. :|

I'm finally getting back to some scheduled viewing. This week with thePirates movies, including the fourth one I haven't even seen yet (no spoilers! that's tomorrow..). I also need to watch some TV seasons, as I may have said before.. as well as a few movies now. Amazon's shipping methods make no sense sometimes. I ordered one disc for one week,. then a couple more for the next in one order. They hold off on shipping the one.. until just a few days before the other ones are due to be released. And this month, the same thing happened.. and this time they waited and shipped all three in one week.

The links are back! Dunno for how long. Just check out Rense.com for more.. And if I don't see you before then, happy holidays and all that junk. It'll be like a regular day to me.. like every other day.. for forever.. See ya.


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[ Videos: Stunning NASA Shuttle UFOs, Anomalies ]
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Мои твиты [Dec. 12th, 2011|02:38 am]
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Мои твиты [Dec. 10th, 2011|03:00 pm]
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Мои твиты [Dec. 10th, 2011|12:40 am]
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time moves forward, not backward [Dec. 5th, 2011|12:21 pm]
Starting this month, my social security amount is back to normal. So hopefully, some things will begin to get better now. I probably shouldn't have used my dad's bank account and his social security for the month following the one in which he passed away (the deposit was literally the following week). But then again, I didn't know right away that they would be undepositing that money and overdrafting his account. :/ ..I managed to get all the bills (just cable & rent) and some grocery shopping out of the way, as well as this month's Amazon disc order. A few interesting ones are coming up this month..

I have been buying less video discs and more PS3 games.. but PS3 games are expensive. My next PS3 pre-order isn't until March though (Mass Effect 3!) and I have a few games still left unfinished. But on the other hand, I also want to get a lot of these unwatched discs.. watched.. Two seasons of Get Smart, two seasons of Gossip Girl and three seasons of Big Bang Theory (buying the latter two later when they go below $20, but haven't been paying much attention lately.. and don't know if I want to continue buying Gossip Girl now that all four seasons are now on Netflix streaming).. Don't know why Popcap recently released Bejeweled 3 on a PS3 disc with a couple other games. I so would've bought it if it were on PSN (like I did with the last game), but oh well. I already sorta have it for free on my PC.. >_> ..and like the new additions. Would look nicer on my HDTV though. Plus trophies, obviously. :p

Over the weekend, rather than whittle down the growing amount of video files on my PS3 (since the 500GB HDD, it's become a second DVR :p), I finally gave my account a workout and watched a bunch of movies on Netflix streaming.. including Morning Glory (a romantic comedy.. between a woman and her job, haha, good movie), Limitless (also good, almost regret not buying the Blu those months back.. almost :p), The Thing (loved this movie, so where's the special edition blu-ray? :p also looking forward to the recent prequel.. that has the exact same title..), Red State (a thriller with a message, very nice movie and would like to buy the Blu someday.. probably the first Kevin Smith film that I've enjoyed since that New Jersey series) and The Drawn Together Movie (direct-to-video and totally without restraint.. ack, very filthy movie.. was surprised to hear the voice of Power Rangers Time Force's Vernon Wells as the main villain :) ).

When I finally slept early Monday morning, I had a pretty crazy dream.. and it felt somewhat real at times. I was back at my previous home of over a decade again. My dad's bedroom was occupied again, but I couldn't believe it was my dad beyond that door. Over the course of the day, I did my usual watching of TV and playing of video games. I was pretty sleepy that evening when a couple guys came and booted my dad's car. I thought it was because my dad owed them money or something, but.. it may have been a way to stop my dad from leaving. After I went to check the mail, I returned to find that my dad had woken up and left his bedroom. I couldn't believe he had returned. I was told that he had passed away. His hair was now mostly gray and long. I told him about his car, but he spoke total nonsense in return. He also seemed very weak and could barely stand on his own.

And not long after that, I awoke. It had in fact all been a dream. I was back in my real life again. My cold apartment (hard tile floor in every room like that seen in hospitals & offices, especially cold this time of year). I guess I never got closure. As far as I know, there wasn't even a funeral.....

See ya.
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Мои твиты [Dec. 2nd, 2011|06:25 am]
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My tweets [Nov. 27th, 2011|12:17 pm]
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rewards & rangers [Nov. 26th, 2011|08:50 pm]
I hope everyone had a happy indian murder day. As is usual and obvious, I did not. I had a couple slices of pizza for breakfast, then watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade just to see the Power Rangers Samurai appearance. And it was definitely better than last year.. Then I got online for a while. You can't really have a Thanksgiving meal on four slices of pizza and four tiny potatoes, so I just saved that for the coming week like usual. My aunt tried calling in a free Thanksgiving meal to be delivered to me, but.. that didn't happen. My dad had kept calling in until he was sure the order was made (usually ordering enough for leftovers).. but oh well..

As my stomache ached with hunger due to some faint food smells invading my apartment.. and some neighbors laughed with holiday happiness outside my door, I got the PS3 online and checked out the third fail in a row that is the PlayStation Home weekly update. Beginning to get very annoyed by the Home reward system that they won't or are unable to fix. With that, how much I miss Central Plaza and the games I've gotten lately, I've only visited Home three times this last week. I used to make a daily visit. Recent updates to LOOT Theater and Sodium 2 are very nice.. but all the bugs that continue to fester in Home after nearly three years of open beta testing.. while they decide to spend months updating the look of the core spaces instead.. So annoying.

I try not to cry over the hunger and loneliness, but it's difficult. I watched some TV to get my mind off it like usual.. because the damn PS3 controller needed to be charged again. It's about time I got me a DualShock3.. But eventually I returned to Saints Row The Third. I think this may be my first platinum trophy. I'm really starting to work hard and get all the side stuff done now, then I guess I'll continue the story after that. And I've already completely leveled up and accumulated enough money in-game to buy all of the upgrades, so now I'm nearly indestructible. :p

The Power Rangers Samurai 1-hour special "Clash of the Red Rangers" aired today, definitely months before Saban intended it to air. After all the doomsaying on the forums about the Power Rangers RPM cast not returning and RPM Red not even being voiced by the original actor while in-suit the whole time.. the episode(s) ended up being not all that bad. A lot of new Ranger hardware (aka toy fodder) appeared in the special, lots without any proper introduction. Oh, and the Nighlok King randomly hanging out on Xandred's ship. :p These four special episodes were filmed after "Season 2", but only the Halloween & Christmas specials were meant to air after the 20-episode "Season 1". Steven Skyler couldn't even come back as Samurai Gold Ranger due to prior commitments recording his album at the time, according to his Facebook. And RPM Red was voiced by "Tobias Reiss", if that is a real person and not just a way for Eka Darville to bypess union rules since no other work could be found under that name. I mean, he sounded a LOT like Eka. :p

I bought more pizza yesterday and am nearly broke and out of food again. I may have to make a few meals one-slice-only to make it last the whole week. :/ ..Well, back to my game so I can continue to ignore all the bad crap the world loves to torture me with.. See ya.
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My tweets [Nov. 26th, 2011|01:57 pm]
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My tweets [Nov. 25th, 2011|12:17 pm]
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My tweets [Nov. 24th, 2011|12:26 pm]
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My tweets [Nov. 23rd, 2011|12:22 pm]
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Мои твиты [Nov. 22nd, 2011|12:21 pm]
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